Yesterday was commemoration day in Holland, an evening in which we remember the victims of world war II. A moment of silence and commemoration. During this same evening I was feeling a deep sadness arising from my womb. I was feeling self doubt and noticed a part that was really harsh towards myself.
I was wondering if I am enough physically present for my sister,
If I am listening enough to my brother,
If I am having enough care for my stepfather,
If I am connecting deeply enough with my mother,
If I am being a good daughter, sister, lover, friend?
I was doubting myself and the decisions I make in life.
This part of me was wondering if I am loving enough?
No, actually this part was judging myself that I wasn’t loving enough.
Do you recognise that? A part inside yourself that is wondering if you bring enough or equal love to your children? If you are sharing enough of your heart with the people you love? If you are truly seeing your friends enough? If you are doing it right in your life and the decisions you make? If you spend enough time with the people you love?
Do you judge yourself for not being there enough, not loving enough or not doing it as well as you think you should do?Are you wondering if you are being a good mother, daughter, sister, lover or friend?
This is a part that in my experience can be so harsh and strict to ourselves. A part that can question: “Am I doing it right?”
Tears were streaming down my face as I wasn’t sure about anything anymore…. Then….. after a while….. a warm feeling woke up in my heart.
A clear knowing that I love my dear family so deeply, That I am very present even if sometimes from a physical distance, That I am listening, that I have a lot of care and that I am deeply connected to them.
I felt the clarity about my path and the decisions I make and the amazing non personal intelligence behind that.
Today is liberation day in Holland, a day on which we celebrate the freedom of the country and the people. And I feel a deep liberation happening in myself. Opening in a trust that I am loving enough, a deep knowing that my loved ones know I am, know I was and know I will.
And so on this liberation day I feel a liberation happening in myself. A liberation from this questioning and an opening into an even deeper trust that the path I am on is exactly the right one. A deep inner knowing that the intelligence of my inner guidance is guiding me exactly how it needs to.
A deep inner knowing that I am being as precise as possible in each decision I make, word I say or action I take and that I can trust and love myself in that.
If any of this resonates for you then know that you are loving enough, that you can trust the intelligence of the decisions you make, the words you say and the actions you take.